You'll Think Of Me
by MeganBellaRoseBlack
Summary: Reba realises it's time for Brock to stop hurting her. Now a continuing fic. R&R :
1. You'll Think Of Me

**A/N **This is my first Reba fanfic so I'd be really interested to think what you all think. I've done a lot of writing in the past, but non for Reba and so I hope that I can get her right. All reviews would be greatly appreciated

This is set shortly after the divorce.

Reba rolled over in her bed, the soft cotton of her sheets brushing against her skin as she flicked some hair out of her eyes and felt a soft breeze on her bare arms. The open windows curtains were flapping slightly in the gentle breeze and the moon shone bright, giving her bedroom a dim, natural glow. For some reason, she just wasn't sleeping well lately and it was really starting to bug her. She'd lie awake for hours with thoughts and memories spinning round and round in her head, but why, she didn't know. She'd finally managed to drift off at around 2 in the morning after a day of playing in the park with Jake. By all rights, she should be exhausted, but here she was again. Awake. Glancing at the clock on her bedside table, she let out a frustrated sigh as she read 4:07 on the digital screen. Her mind drifted back to the day that Brock had brought her that very clock without her realising. She smiled briefly as she recalled that he had often moaned about having to wake her up after he had already slept in because she was supposed to be the one to wake him up. He often had to race around in the mornings to get ready because they had woken up late. Their original alarm clock had suddenly decided to stop working one day in the way that technology inconveniently does. He had come home one night with a box wrapped in blue paper and a massive smile on his face. After greeting her with a soft kiss, he had given her the box he carried and told her to open it and use it wisely. She hadn't been able to do anything but laugh as she unwrapped her 'present' and saw the digital clock. And there she was thinking he had got her something romantic…

Reba shook her head slightly as she tried to bring herself away from the past and away from thoughts of him, but she couldn't deny that he had been a major part of her life, but she didn't want him there anymore. After what he had done to her, she wanted to put him behind her, just like she had done with all the other men who had hurt her in her lifetime.

_I woke up early this morning around 4 AM, _

_With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate. _

_I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep, _

_But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake. _

_Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms,_

_I've been trying my best to get along, _

_But that's okay, there's nothing left to say but;_

'Jake! You're gonna be late if you don't get your butt down here now' Reba called up the stairs. Jake was running late for school again and the pancakes she had made him were already going cold. She sighed as she washed up the pan she had used. Jake came bounding into the kitchen, and chucked his bag onto the floor as he grabbed a knife and fork and started to eat, not even noticing the cooling temperature of his breakfast.

'Come on you. Get outta here' Reba smiled at her son as he gulped down his food, gave her a quick hug with a 'bye Mom' and darted out the door. Before the back door could fully close, she heard him say 'Hi Dad. Bye Dad' and footsteps enter her kitchen. Turning her head, she saw said father. Brock closed the door behind him and smiled at his ex-wife.

'Hi Reba' he said cheerily, watching as Reba dried her hands on a dish cloth and placed one hand on her hip.

'Is there anything you need Brock, because I have a couple things I need to do today, and you aren't involved in any of them, so you're really not needed here.'

'I just came over to say Hi, that's all Reba. Sheesh. Someone's letting their hair colour rule their emotions this morning.' Brock frowned a little as he saw Reba still standing in front of him, her arms now crossed and a far from amused expression settled on her face.

'Brock, I thought that when you married Barbra Jean, you would at least have the courtesy to not come in and out of my house like you still lived here'

'Come on Reba, its not like I'm not still a member of this family'

'Unfortunately' Reba muttered under her breath.

'What's that supposed to mean? I know I hurt you Reba, but I never meant to'

'Well that's okay then' Reba retorted, her voice lined with bitterness. 'You know what Brock, you probably did me a favour. I thought that I wouldn't be able to live without you in my life. I've always had you there to pick me up when things get me down and I thought that I would always need that, but when our marriage went through that rough patch, I thought maybe it wasn't that I needed you, I wanted you there. And now you've left me, I've realised it was definitely that I just wanted you there 'cos I sure don't need you. So I should be thanking you. I want you to leave now' she finished as she moved over to the front door and held it open for him to leave but he quickly shut it again, not willing to end their conversation like that.

'I didn't mean to hurt you and I did always want to be there for you Reba. We've been through this a thousand times and I've apologised a thousand more. I don't know what else I can say or do to make you stop hating me'

'I don't hate you Brock. I should but I could never hate you. I just don't want you here anymore. I don't want your records on my shelf, I don't want your picture on my wall and I don't want your memories and voice rolling around in my head telling me that we were happy once. I've given you your space and I've given you your freedom to do whatever with whomever you want. Please. Just give me the same' Her voice was laced with a sad tone as she spoke her words, almost pleading with him. She didn't want to be reminded every time he burst through her door calling her name that once upon a time, that greeting would soon be followed up with a kiss. Brock couldn't think of anything to say in return to what the red head had said. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to summon words, but none would come.

'All I know is Brock, that when you're midlife crisis is over, the kids will be there or you'll be lying in bed next to _her, _and you'll think of me. You'll know what a moron you've been to throw away a 20 marriage for a 20 day affair'

Silence settled over the couple and they knew that nothing else could be said. Pulling open the door once more, Reba lowered her head in the same way that Brock had done and softly said 'Goodbye Brock'

_Take your records, take your freedom. _

_Take your memories, I don't need them. _

_Take your space and take your reasons. _

_But you'll think of me. _

_Take your cat but leave my sweater, _

_Cos we have nothing left to weather, _

_In fact I feel a whole lot better, _

_But you'll think of me. _

_You'll think of me. _

Days later, Reba still hadn't heard from Brock, but she hadn't really expected to. In retrospect, her words had seemed a little blunt and maybe too much, but at the time they had been exactly what she had been feeling and she felt that he needed to know. He couldn't just keep barging back in on her life and not expecting her to not even flinch. After waking early in the morning again, Reba fell back into an old routine that she had when her and Brock had been trying to hold their marriage together; she started driving in the small hours of the morning. She never knew where she was going or how long she would be, but the continuous sound of the engine and the emptiness of the roads acted as a comfort to her and gave her space and time to clear her head. Staring at the long road ahead of her, Reba thought back on the years that she had known him, Gosh, he'd been a part of her life for almost as long as she could remember. There wasn't many of her memories that didn't have the footprints of Brock on them. Every corner she turned in her life, he was there. Every time she needed someone to talk to, to unload on, to share her excitement, to wipe her tears; he was there. And now she needed to wipe all that away. She knew that she would never be able to erase Brock from her mind and she didn't really want to, she just wanted to gather all the moments where he played a part in one big box that wouldn't hurt her so much. Her thoughts seemed like a house. Each room had hundreds of memories and all over the floor there were items which never seemed to bother her but now, they were hazardous baggage that she could so easily stumble and trip on and get hurt if she wasn't careful constantly. That baggage was Brock's memories that he had trailed all over her past. The only comfort Reba could keep was that she knew it wasn't her fault. She knew that it was him who had run away from her and not the other way round. She could remind herself again and again that she had been trying to save her 20 year marriage and he had been the one who had thrown it away on an affair. She would never have forgiven herself if they had tried to work it out and she had been the one who had decided to turn off their life support and end it all. She could find relief in the fact that she would never know what could of or should have happened to the husband and wife.

_I went out driving try'na clear my head. _

_Tryn'a sweep out all the rooms that my emotions left. _

_I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this, _

_And all the baggage that seems to still exist._

_Seems the only blessing I have left to my name, _

_Is not knowing what we could have been. _

_What we should have been. _

The conversation that they had had spun in Brocks head over and over. Whatever he tried, he just couldn't get the red heads words out of his mind. _'I don't want your records on my shelf, I don't want your picture on my wall and I don't want your memories and voice rolling around in my head telling me that we were happy once. I've given you your space and I've given you your freedom to do whatever with whomever you want. Please. Just give me the same' _Word for word, their conversation replayed. He had tried to give her what she had given him, he knew that she had been amazingly strong throughout their divorce and that she had build walls of steel to keep herself standing throughout everything, and her words had allowed him a glimpse of her true feelings. He had always been the one that she had come to when she had things she was bundling up inside she needs to talk about and he knew that through the divorce, she had had no one to do that with. Her support had been the one who had turned on her and hurt her. By seeing the strong Reba that the world had always seen had mad it easier for him in a way. He had been able to convince himself that maybe, just maybe, this time it wasn't an act. She hadn't been putting on a front of strength and maybe she really was okay without him. He had been able to tell himself that he had released her and it was what she needed but deep down he knew he was fooling himself just like he had been fooling her. He always had been able to lie well, especially to himself. But now that he had heard the pain in her voice, the delicate touch of pleaded for him to stop the hurting she felt, he had been forced to face facts. He had hurt the woman he loved forever in a way that he would never be able to forgive himself for. Sure, she would be okay - she was always the one who could get through anything - but that didn't mean she should have had to. Especially without a soul to confide her emotions in.

_So take your records, take your freedom._

_Take your memories, I don't need them. _

_Take your space and take your reasons. _

_But you'll think of me. _

_Take your cat and leave my sweater,_

_Cos we have nothing left to weather. _

_But you'll think of me._

Lying in bed next to the bubbly blonde, Brock listened to her even breathing. She was fun to be around and she could be extremely seductive, but she wasn't Reba, and that was what bothered him. Moonlight poured through his window and illuminated the bed that they shared. The thought suddenly hit him that she had been right. She was always right. She knew him better then he knew himself. '_You'll be lying in bed and you'll think of me' _and sure enough, there he was. He knew that she meant he would be thinking of not only her, but their past and what could have been their future together if hadn't have just made that one mistake. They could have been happy. They could have grown old together like they always joked about when they were young. When her hair had turned pure white and he had a pair of checked slippers, when the kids had all moved out and they had retired, when they were free to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted and just do what they day told them to. They could go on a spontaneous picnic to the park or just drive down random roads and see where fate took them. Fate took them down the wrong road. Fate took them to Barbra Jean and a divorce which had no happy ending. And Brock was left with only one thing; his pride. He could tell the world that he had done the 'right' thing and married the woman that he had got pregnant, supported her child and gave her a home and love. But the one thing that killed him deep down, the dagger that was in his heart was the fact that he knew Reba would be okay. He knew that she was so strong that she could get through this whilst supporting the kids, working two jobs and having him popping in every day. She would be getting on with her life. That's what hurt the most. When she said that it wasn't that she needed him there, it was that she wanted him there. Knowing she was speaking the truth; _that's _what hurt the most.

_Someday I'm gonna run across your mind. _

_But don't worry I'll be fine. _

_I'm gonna be alright. _

_While your sleeping with your pride,_

_Wishing I could hold you tight, _

_I'll be over you and on with my life. _

He knew that he had made a mistake. That he had left the only woman who could make him weak at the knees by flashing that smile and looking into his eyes with those crystal bright blues. He knew that he would never be on the receiving end of a loving kiss again, never be able to burst through the door and see her drop a dishcloth down on the counter so she could both hands free to pull him into a tender hug. His possessions were removed from the house and moved into his new house with his new wife who didn't know the stories and the memories behind the items which left her alone with no trace of him. Any man who walked through the door would know that she was a single mom and a single woman, up for grabs by any man who could capture her loving heart. But no man would be good enough for her. Hell, even he wasn't good enough for her. The one man who she had declared her love to endlessly had taken that and ran into the arms of another woman who he didn't love, didn't adore. Not like he had loved her. Not like he adored her still. They were emotions he would never be able to show again and that was something he would have to face.

But she was right. He would think of her.

He would think of her all the time.

_Take your records, take your freedom._

_Take your memories, I don't need them._

_Take your space and take your reasons, _

_But you'll think of me. _

_Take your cat and leave my sweater, _

_Cos we have nothing left to weather, _

_In fact I feel a whole lot better,_

_But you'll think of me. _

_You're gunna think of me. _

_Oh someday baby. _

_Someday. _

**_Please leave a review :) _**

**_Thank you for readind :) _**


	2. Do You Wish It Was Me?

**A/N **Thanks for the reviews, it was originally a one shot, but I have decided to continue it (:

Thank you.. And reviews of this chapter would be great ;)

Brock even become aware of the time until the sweet bird song and pure summers light hit his bed and pulled him out of his thought. He had been in a half sleep, half trance all night and felt like he had been battling with someone - or something - all night and was more tired then he was when he had gone to bed, if that was even possible. Throwing one arm over his head and just trying to relax into the morning sun which hit his face, he turned to look at the woman who lay next to him. Her gentle waves of blonde hair spread out across her pillow and trailed onto his in places. She looked so peaceful beside him, her breathing steady and undisturbed by her husbands restlessness. The woman could sleep through a hurricane and wonder why there was a tree through the roof when she woke up. He remembered when he used to be able to wake up and see red hair spilling onto his side of the bed, back when Reba had her long curly hair. It used to tickle him when they fell asleep in each others arms, which was most nights up until things started to change. She had always been the one thing he had dreamed of and prayed for, and when he had it, he had thrown it away. Replaced her red curls with blonde. Her sarcasm with bubbliness. Her with Barbra Jean.

_When the sun slowly chases, _

_The moon from the sky._

_And touches your face as you open your eyes. _

_What are you thinking_

_Do you like what you see?_

_Is it all you dreamed of?_

_Or do you wish it was me?_

Sinking into the sofa, glass of red in her hand, Reba sighed contently. Jake and Kyra were spending the night with friends as it was a Saturday and Van and Cheyenne had taken Elizabeth to stay with one of their school friends who they hadn't seen for a while so Reba was all set to spend a quite evening to herself. Glass of red, film, a book maybe… followed by a hot bubble bath? She could finally do what she wanted without anyone running into the room with some form of demand.

'Reba. We need to talk' She rolled her eyes as the blonde man walked into her 'peaceful' living room.

'Oh yeah. That's what I wanted to do. Talk to my ex-husband on my only day of peace and relaxation in the last 6 months. I guess I forgot to call you and tell you that. Good thing you knew' she replied, her voice dripping with the sarcasm Brock had heard so often in the past.

'I'm serious. What you said to me the other day has really got to me and I need to talk to you about it' placing her glass on the coffee table, Reba leant her elbow on her crossed knee and put her head in her hand, a look of feigned interest on her face.

'Well go on then Brock. I think I said what I had to say so maybe it's your turn' Closing the door behind him, Brock walked over to the armchair in front of his ex and lowered himself into it, clearing his throat awkwardly.

'When you said that you didn't want me there to be by your side anymore, that hit me hard, Reba' he started. Her fake smile slipped slightly as she recognised his tone of voice as being a serious conversation with a layer of hurt and pain to it. She knew straight away this was going to be tough. 'It felt as though all those years we'd spent together which were good meant nothing to you'

'Yeah and nothing says they meant a lot like having an affair' she mumbled. Brock sighed. He knew she was right and she was right to be angry, but he just wanted to hear him out. 'I cant say that I don't regret leaving you Reba. I've tried to convince myself that I have put an end to all the feelings I have for you and cut that tie, but I just cant lie to myself that much' Reba closed her eyes as he spoke. The last thing she wanted to hear was that he still had feelings for her. It would make everything so much more difficult. Brock continued; 'I cant forget our past and I cant honestly say that I am satisfied with my life now. I cant help but compare my life with Barbra Jean to the life that we had together and there are so many things that just fall short and so many things that I miss'

_Is the life that you've chosen,_

_Free from regret?_

_Or is what might have been just too hard to forget?_

_Has the glitter all faded, _

_Do you get what you need?_

_Are you satisfied baby, _

_Or do you wish it was me?_

Reba rubbed her hands over her face as she listened to him, the word 'no' went through her head so many times she quickly lost count and when she heard him stand up and the couch shift underneath her, she pulled her hands down and looked him straight in the eyes. Brock slowly reached over and enveloped her small hands in his and held them half way between their two bodies. She couldn't deny that her heart skipped a beat when their skin touched, but she also wanted to scream at him to never touch her again. Instead, she just let out another heavy sigh. 'Look Brock, I know what you did what you thought was best when you married Barbra Jean and maybe at the moment it seems that she isn't what you want, but she is. If she wasn't, then you wouldn't have walked out on us. Deep down you love her more then you love me and that's what you need to remember. You spent a lot of time thinking about if you should be with her, and the fact that you came up with the answer yes means that you do love her' Brock shook his head slightly. He didn't love Barbra Jean more then he loved her, how could he? They had grown up together and had a family he adored. Henry was… well Henry was a mistake that shouldn't have happened. He knew that now. But it wasn't fair to put him through arguments and child support rows when he was to blame for nothing. That's why he had married Barbra Jean. He had sacrificed his whole life as he knew it and all the passion that came with it for an affair and he really wished he hadn't.

_I know that you did_

_What you thought you should do . _

_It was safe and secure_

_So completely thought through._

_You sacrificed passion,_

_And abandoned your dreams. Baby, was it all worth it? _

_Or do you wish it was me?_

His grip on her hands got tighter and their eyes met as she smiled sadly. 'I didn't mean it Brock' she finally said in defeat. 'I'm so bad at you that I wish it were true, but I didn't mean it. I did need you there. I always have. You've been the reason I've got through the last god knows how many years of my life' she looked down once more and was surprised when Brock let go of her and gently tilted her head up again so he could stare into her clear blue eyes.

'I didn't mean to hurt you Reba' she nodded in quiet understanding knowing that he would never intentionally hurt her, but intentional or not, the pain in her chest still raged. 'I wish I could just kiss all the pain away like I used to be able to do. Take your mind of all the things that are hurting you' she knew exactly what he meant. One kiss from this man could heal all her pain, but that was no longer allowed. His kiss was something off limits to her.

'But you can't' she said quietly. Brock nodded sadly in agreement, never breaking eye contact.

'But I can't.' his voice was soft and his eyes so welcoming. The one hand that still held hers was pulsing warmth and comfort into her body the sadness in her voice was something she wanted to rip away from him. She knew it should be the other way round and she should be the one who he should be worried about - no one had hurt her more then he had - but she couldn't help but care. She was aware of every movement of the couch as his weight slowly shifted forward and he cautiously leant in to her. He stopped just millimetres from her , unsure if he should close the gap. It would have serious consequences for the both of them, but he couldn't help himself. Her eyes darted from his eyes to his lips and back up again, knowing what they were about to do was terrible and wrong, but so right at the same time. She didn't want him to kiss her, but it felt like something which she needed. She needed his lips on hers. And then they were. Their eyes shut and it was like their first kiss all over again. His lips tentatively pushing against hers, not wanting to scare her into pulling away. Despite the butterflies in her stomach and the want that coursed through his body, they remained gentle with each other, their lips softly massaging the others. Reba found her arms slowly raising so they were around his neck and felt his hands gently land on her hips and pull her ever so slightly closer towards him. They broke apart almost unwillingly but remained close, their noses touching and their foreheads together as their breath remained steady but slightly heavier. Looking at his lips, Reba knew that she wanted more from him and the old fires that used to burn were there still. She had wondered ever since he left if they had dimmed and stopped glowing, but the embers were still there and had been relit, if they ever died at all - which she doubted.

_Does each kiss seem closer to the first or the last _

_Is the fire still raging?_

_Or has it burnt down to ash?_

_Do the memories haunt you. _

_Do they beg and they plead?_

_Are you satisfied baby?_

_Or do you wish it was me?_

'This is so wrong' Reba whispered as Brock placed a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth and another further up her cheek, another further along her cheek bone, another on the edge of her jaw line and another on her pulse point on her neck. She didn't have the strength to do anything but tilt her head to the side to give him better access. His hands still on her hips pulled her closer still as he whispered that he knew. He remembered all the times that he had been able to do this before but had chosen not to. He realised that he was a fool. He should have taken every chance to kiss her and feel her beneath his hands while he could before she was gone and off limits. His hands slowly roamed down her thighs feeling the curve of her body. She was so perfect. She always had been but he had let her go. Being with Barbra Jean was like being at a fancy restaurant. You could have whatever you wanted, could choose anything that you wished and you enjoyed it at the time, but when it came down to it, it couldn't compare to what you had at home. It couldn't compare to the home cooking and comfort that you received at home and had come to love so much. It was easy to misplace the memory of what he loved, but it was too hard to forget. Lord only knew how much he had tried to forget what it was like being with Reba, whether it be their home life or their love life, he just couldn't forget it. The glitter of his relationship and the forbidden thrill of being with Barbra Jean had quickly faded and he wanted what he had back. He wanted her back. He could feel the urgency in his kiss and he begged for entrance to her mouth and nipped at her lips gently. As soon as she granted access, his tongue took hers into a passionate dance, the kiss growing deeper and more intense by the second. This is what she needed so much. This is what would take away the pain that she had been through. The touch of his hands gently caressing her thighs and waist was what she needed to sooth the hurt. He knew that this was something he couldn't stop and if he was honest with himself, he didn't want to. every time he kissed Barbra Jean, every time she led him up to the bedroom, he couldn't help but wish it was Reba he was with. He knew it was so wrong, he should want to be with his wife, but he couldn't help it. The image of Reba wouldn't shift and he couldn't help but wish it was her.

_Is the life that you've chosen, _

_Free from regret?_

_Or is what might have been just too hard to forget?_

_Had the glitter all faded,_

_Do you get what you need?_

_Are you satisfied baby?_

_Or do you wish it was me?_

_Are you satisfied baby?_

_Or do you wish it was me?_

_Do you wish it was me?_

_Do you wish it was me?_

_Do you wish it was me?_


	3. Haunted

**A/N **Thank you for reading and the lovely reviews. After this, I think that there is one moer song that I want to use and then I shall end this little project and move onto another one (:

Please R&R… Thanks again.

Meg.

Reba's eyes fluttered open and she was immediately all too aware of the strong arm which was wrapped around her waist and the weight on the bed next to her. Shifting her head so she could look at the man next to her, she watched him for a while. He was such a peaceful sleeper, he always had been. He could lie in one position all night long and not even have a crick in his neck the next morning. She had thought that she would never see him in a slumbering state again unless it was passed out on her sofa, but she had been certain that there was no way he would ever be back in her bed with his arm around her waist. Yet here they were. Glancing at the clock next to her, she realised it was still reasonably early, just 8PM, they must have been asleep for an hour or two and the sun was setting in the summer sky. As the rays started to fall away, the silence that filled the room pressed in on Reba. She was wracked with guilt about what she had just done but then again, she knew that there wasn't another man in the world who could turn her to slush with a couple words or a single kiss and she knew that they were meant to be together. She had always known it deep down. The only sound in the room was Brocks steady breathing and Reba sighed softly as she listened to him intently, trying to keep her mind of the fact she was now an adulteress. She had always been able to trust in the fact that she tried to be a good person and that she always tried to do the right thing. But now? Now she had gone against all things right, including her morals, slept with her ex-husband and despite hating herself for it, she didn't think it was wrong. She couldn't resist his sweet kiss or wandering hands no matter how much she had tried to tell herself to pull away, her body just wouldn't listen. If she couldn't even trust herself anymore, what left was there to trust? Brock stirred and his eyes slowly opened as he looked at the woman next to him. She smiled at him softly and the sad smile she received back instantly sent shockwaves of panic through her body. No. That look of sadness on his face was a mistake, not her. He should be kissing her good morning right now, not gently taking his arm from under her waist. His lips should be on hers, not softly kissing her forehead with an air of finality. Reba realised that she had somehow been holding her breath since he had awoken and now it came tumbling out of her in a jagged and trembling wave. He wasn't going to leave her again. This wasn't going to happen. He would get back into the bed any second and pull her to him again… That look of coldness would vanish from his eyes…

But it didn't.

_You and I walk a fragile line,_

_I have known it all this time, _

_But I never thought I'd live to see it break. _

_Its getting dark and it's all too quiet and I can't trust anything now. _

_And it's coming over you like its all a big mistake_

_I'm holding my breath _

_Won't loose you again_

_Something's made your eyes go cold_

'Brock'. His name came out as a plea in itself. He turned to her as he pulled his shirt over his head. Every action was killing him but he couldn't do what he had done to Barbra Jean. Reba was the strongest woman he had ever met and him leaving had almost broken her. Doing that to someone as fragile as his new wife would be sure to damage her beyond repair and he couldn't be responsible for that. Not again. He would do anything to be able to pull Reba to him and tell her he loved her, but he couldn't.

'This cant happen Reba. I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am'

'Brock, you cant just leave me after last night. You cant just walk out after everything you said and everything you did. I thought I had you figured out last night. I thought that I had finally got through all your messed up thoughts when you left me for Barbra Jean and that we were on the same page again. You can't possibly just leave now' it took all she had not to allow her voice to crack as she spoke and tears from falling from her eyes, but she wasn't prepared to allow him to see that side of her. Brock walked over to the side of the bed she was sat up in and gently tilted her head up so their eyes met. He then leant down and kissed her lips so softly it was as if they barely met. Her eyes shut on their own and she felt him pull back slightly, then come back for another soft butterfly kiss. There was nothing he wanted to do more then to wrap his arms around her, but he couldn't. So instead, he placed one more kiss on her lips. A harder kiss this time that pushed against her delicate lips and when he pulled back, he felt her leaning forward, keen to keep the contact for as long as possible but they slowly parted with sadness in both their eyes. Reba felt as if the breath had been taken from her and she was literally struggling to get air into her lungs as she watched Brock walk out her bedroom door and close it with a quiet thud leaving the ghost of the night before to echo in her head.

_Come on, come on, don't leave me like this, _

_I thought I had you figured out. _

_Something's gone terribly wrong,_

_You're what I wanted. _

_Come on, come on don't leave me like this. _

_I thought I had you figured out. _

_Cant breath whenever you're gone, _

_Cant turn back now. _

_I'm haunted. _

She couldn't believe that he had just walked on back to her after everything he had said the night before and it wounded her deeply. Dragging her tired body out of the bed they shared, she ran a warm shower and allowed the water to wash away all her need for him. Her head was pounding as she made her way down the stairs to find Van sat in the living room with the TV on some kids cartoon,

'Van, what're ya doing here?' she asked with a sigh. She had thought that he would be out all evening and she had been counting on being able to grab a bottle of water and go back to her room without being asked questions about her less than cheery mood.

'Cheyenne wanted to stay, but I have training tomorrow so I came back here. I hope you don't mind, Mrs H' he told her, his eyes never leaving the brightly coloured screen.

'Sure. Whatever' Van turned around to look at the red head. Her tone of voice wasn't normal. It wasn't the cheerful voice that usually greeted him, nor was it the 'I'm-red-and-I-can-take-over-the-world' tone that she had when she was angry. She sounded… upset? This wasn't like her.

'Mrs H, you okay?'

'Yeah I'm fine, just feel a'little sick' she smiled weakly at him and truly appreciated his concern, but she didn't need this right now. Following her to the kitchen, Van took a sear at the island as Reba got a bottle from the fridge. 'You know, all that water you drink had probably watered down your voice cos you don't sound all big and powerful like you usually do' he joked, but the serious note to his voice was there. He was worried for her, she looked pale and tired too. Reba smiled a little at his feeble joke and patted his shoulder gently.

'I'll be fine, Van. I'm just gonna go to bed if that's okay. I'll be fine in the morning' she forced a smile and gladly accepted a hug from her son-in-law, but the thought ran through her head that she wished it was Brocks arms that were around her and his crappy jokes that were trying to coax a smile from her. As she trudged up the stairs, she knew that she would never fully be able to let him go, especially after last night which had made her realise that even when she thought she was through with him, he would never fully be gone from her desires.

_Stood there, watched you walk away, _

_From everything we had but I still meant every word I say to you._

_He will try to take away my pain, _

_And he may just make me smile_

_But the whole time I'm wishing it was you instead. _

_I'm holding my breath. _

_Won't see you again_

_Something keeps me holding on to nothing. _

'Hey Hone-' Brock's sentence faded away as he saw that his wife was not alone and the two women had both turned around at his greeting. Barbra Jeans face was lit with a smile but Reba's had a look of discomfort on it. She hadn't expected him to be home so early and that was the only reason she had accepted the offer to sit with the goofball. She had little else to do.

'Hello love pumpkin' Barbra Jean beamed and planted a rather over exuberant kiss on his lips. Reba cleared her throat loudly and looked at them with a raised eyebrow.

'Can we not?' she asked flatly. Barbra Jean laughed, leaning forward to Reba with a dumb smile on her face as she draped herself around his neck.

'Oh right. Duh' she giggled and kissed Brock quickly before taking her seat again next to Reba.

'Reba can I talk to you alone quickly please?'

'No' she said lightly. Both not expecting an answer other then yes, Brock and Barbra Jean looked at her in surprise.

'Oh you big joker, you!' Barbra Jean guffawed and hit her arm lightly. Reba turned her head towards her with a deadpan face.

'I'm not talking to me. He called me fat' it was the only thing she could think of. She couldn't exactly tell her that they had slept together over a week ago and he hadn't spoken to her since. She felt like he had treated her like a cheap floozy and she wasn't prepared to come running when he finally got the balls to want to talk to her. Barbra Jean gasped at what she had said and a hand flew to her mouth as Brock rolled his eyes in frustration. He knew she had avoided talking to him yet again. He had been calling every night and whenever he came round the house, she was always 'in the bath'. Maybe he could have tried harder to speak to her, but all his attempts had been successfully avoided.

'You WHAT? How could you Brock? How could you even think that this beautiful, perfect woman is fat? She's the perfect weight. Look, I can nearly wrap my arms around her _twice,_ because she's so skinny!' Barbra Jean went to move and demonstrate, but a firm 'Don't' from Reba stopped her.

'Believe me though, I can. And you go and knock her confidence even more! You're unreal Brock' she finished, a finger pointed straight into his face and her eyes narrowed to tiny slits. With a dramatic, indignant hair flick, she stormed out the room leaving the pair alone in uncomfortable silence.

Their eyes met and Reba gave a weak half smile but Brock couldn't find one to return with. Instead, he just shook his head slowly, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped, and walked out the kitchen door the same way Barbra Jean had, plunging Reba into loneliness.

_Come on, come on don't leave me like this, _

_I thought I had you figured out. _

_Something's gone terribly wrong,_

_You're what I wanted. _

_Come on, come on don't leave me like this. _

_I thought I had you figured out. _

_Can't breath whenever you're gone, _

_Can't turn back now. _

_I'm haunted. _

She didn't understand. Was there something she was missing? Perhaps she had imagined all things he had said and how he had whispered he loved her still. Had she dreamed the whole thing? She knew she hadn't, but that would be easier to face then the ice cold shoulder she now received from him. He had wanted to talk to her alone, yet when they _were _alone, all he had done was leave. Again. He was getting good at leaving her just when she hoped he wouldn't. Disbeleife was coursing through her body as she unknowingly stared at the spot that he had occupied minutes before wishing he was still there so they could sort this whole thing out. She couldn't register what had happened over the last week, no matter how she tried.

_I know._

_I know. _

_I just know. _

_You're not gone. _

_You can't be gone. _

Her phone buzzed as she sank into the hot welcoming bubbles of her bath. With her hair pinned up in a twist, she leant her head against the back of the bath for a moment ignoring the fact she had a text. She didn't want her little moment for herself to be taken away by Kyra needing a lift to band practice or Jake needing to be picked up or Cheyenne needing to be dropped at a store. But the name on the screen stopped her heart for a second. She wasn't expecting that.

'I meant what I said but I cant do what I did to you to her. She doesn't have your strength and it would break her. I'm trying to do the right thing. Im sorry. I love you xxx' Reba let out a short bitter laugh as she read the text. So he'd decided to have the most important conversation she currently needed to have with anyone via text. He'd clearly been spending too much time with Van, but maybe it was easier this way. The temptation of his lips wouldn't be there.

'You didn't seem to think about that when you were yelling my name Brock. The right thing got you married to her in the first place and you really think last week was going to help me forget you? You must be delusional. And stop saying you love me. I don't want to hear that ever again' she pressed send before she could take it back and sank back into the water, trying to allow the heat to burn away her tension, but the thought of what he would reply had put snakes in her stomach which wouldn't stop churning around. At the sound of her phone, her hand shot out and grabbed it and read his reply.

'I've never been able to control myself around you. You should remember that from college -' She smiled at his comment. She remembered clearly all the times they would be with friends and she would feel a hand drawing circles on her inner thigh or they'd be out for a meal and he would eat with one hand so he could hold her waist, much to the amusement of their friends. She continued to read 'Youre the most amazing person ive ever met Reba, and I will always love you. Yea I no it sounds cheesy and youll have just rolled your eyes but I will. Im sorry I hurt you so bad. Everything I said last week was true and always will be. I wish I had never left you but I did and I just hope we can somehow work this thing out. I love you. Always. xxxxxxxxxx'

Reba placed her phone down without replying. She knew that he meant it all and he was sorry, she knew him too well to know he would never want to hurt her so deep. She hoped they would be able to be normal again one day, but she knew that the memory of his words that night would never leave her, nor would the love she felt for him.

_Come on, come on don't leave me like this, _

_I thought I had you figured out. _

_Something's gone terribly wrong,_

_Won't finish what you started._

_Come on, come on don't leave me like this. _

_I thought I had you figured out. _

_Can't breath whenever you're gone, _

_Can't go back,_

_I'm haunted. _

Back 20 years ago, she never thought that they would ever be separated. She never thought that they would, someday, only allowed to be friends. Some couples hope it doesn't happen, she never even gave it a second thought. She knew that he was the one for her and always would be. A new woman didn't change that. He would always be the one she loved. He was her soul mate, it such a thing existed. They had been great friends for a while before they finally crossed that fragile line and became a couple, much to the relief of their friends, and one they had crossed that line, she thought that they would never go back. She thought that she would never ever see it break and plunge them back into the incomplete waters of friendship, but there they were. Back over that edge. The balance had been tipped and she could never tip them back.

_You and I walk a fragile line. _

_I have known it all this time. _

_Never ever thought I'd see it break. _

_Never thought I'd see it. _


	4. Last Kiss

**A/N **This will be the last one now : ) It's set a couple months after the other ones and I hope it makes sense and is an okay ending : ) Thank you for reading!

Meg

Reba sat at the bar as she watched couples dancing around the dance floor and smiled as her daughter accepted a dance with her husband. It was her birthday party and he had planned everything to perfection and she beamed as Van lead the blonde to the dance floor and they began to dance quickly, their bodies in perfect time. Reba remembered all the times she had been asked to dance by different men. She didn't admit it very often, but when she was younger she had a certain air about her that made men want to be the one who could spin her round the floor, but she usually stuck with the same man; Brock. She didn't like to dance very much, mainly because she had thought she had two left feet, but she enjoyed the feel of being wrapped in someone's arms and twirled around. She remembered their first dance as husband and wife and how they had danced all night. They had been the last ones to leave as their honeymoon wasn't until the day after the next, and they couldn't bring themselves to part. A small smile lit up her face as she thought back to the early hours of the morning, swaying on that dance floor, her ivory dress pooling around her and her red curls falling over her shoulders. Brock's arms around her waist holding her close to him and whispering I love you's and beautiful sweet nothings in her ear as she giggled and blushed. She recalled perfectly how the moonlight was so bright, it lit his face through the massive windows in the hall and realising they were the only ones still there. She had laughed as she glanced at the clock on the wall; 1.58. They'd been dancing for hours but she still couldn't bring herself to stop. Her shoes lay discarded on the floor and his jacket was slung over the back of a chair somewhere but everything around her disappeared when he told her he loved her and kissed her lips lightly. The image faded and she was brought back to the reality she was in. she was alone. Her and Brock had worked things our and she had told him that she wanted him to stay with Barbra Jean. She knew he was right when he said that she wouldn't be strong enough to take being left and she didn't want to be the cause of a broken heart. Her and Brock had fallen into a form of friendship, but they both knew that there was an underlying love to every tease and jibe, every slap upside the head and sarcastic remark that would never go away.

She was vaguely aware that the pumping beat had stopped and been replaced with a slow and gentle pulse of the new song and was dragged suddenly from her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder and the words 'May I have this dance?'

_I still remember the look on your face,_

_Lit through the darkness at one 1.58_

_Words that you whisper for just us to know. _

_You told me you loved me,_

_so why did you go away?_

He looked as handsome as he had done the first time she had ever seen him in a tux and she smiled at the sight of him. Nodding once, she placed her hand in his outstretched palm and stood up from the bar stool smoothing our her dress. Instead of leading her to the dance floor like she had expected though, he made his way towards the glass doors that stood near them. She noticed the light rain that fell and stopped questioningly but a small tug on her hand and reassuring smile made her keep walking. Handing her his jacket, Brock told her to put it on for a second. She did as instructed and then reached for his hand again. He counted to three and then pulled her over towards a white gazebo that stood a hundred meters or so to the left of the door, out of sight from the main hall but close enough to still hear the music that played. Reba laughed, her breathing slightly heavier as she handed back his jacket and smoother her dress down again. Brock -still holding her hand- took a step back and looked her up and down, admiration in his eyes. She was wearing a gorgeous new dress Cheyenne had brought her, deep emerald green, light floating material and clinging to every curve of her body. Two thick straps held it up, coming together to form a 'V' at the back which had material flowing over where they met which then fell down and into the dress adding texture and movement. She looked gorgeous in it and he couldn't help but stare. Reba blushed and fidgeted under his gaze but smiled softly when he said she looked absolutely beautiful.

'Not too bad yourself' she giggled. 'Why have we come over here?'

'I wanted to dance with you privately' Reba raised an eyebrow. 'I didn't think that people would approve of ex's dancing' he explained. He knew that they were like, people would be talking about them all night. Reba nodded in understanding as he tugged on her hand pulling her to him and laid a hand gently on her waist, the other still holding her hand tight. She placed her free hand on his shoulder and they swayed gently.

'It's raining' she stated, watching how the trees allowed water to drip from their leaves onto the grass below. She'd always loved rain, she found it almost mesmerising at times. He knew that. It was another reason he had taken her outside.

'It rained like this on July 9th' he said with a small smile. Reba met his eyes and beamed. She had been visiting her Mom and Daddy for three weeks and he hadn't been able to come. She still remembered running down the steps of the plane, ignoring the pouring rain which coated the soaked pavement and running directly towards him. She had laughed hysterically at the fact he was the only one waiting for someone outside and he was soaked through, but they didn't care as they hugged and he kissed her passionately. People had smiled at the couple, so obviously in love, and walked around them quick to get inside, but they didn't care. They just stayed where they were wrapped in each others arms.

_I do recall now the smell of the rain_

_Fresh on the pavement, _

_I ran off the plane. _

_That July 9__th__,_

_The beat of your heart jumps through your shirt_

_I can still feel your arms_

The feeling she felt as she huddled on the floor was a million miles away from the feeling of love she had felt that 9th of July. She would have done anything to take back her words she had spat that morning and for him to lean down and tell her that they were going to be fine. She just wanted him home. She hadn't meant it when she said maybe he _should _go and his words that he would start looking for somewhere else had cut her like a knife. She had gone straight to her bedroom. Somehow, she had managed to get changed from her pyjamas in a daze and had unknowingly pulled on of Brock's T-shirts on. She'd somehow ended up on the floor leaning against a wall and shaking. She wanted him to come home now and tell her he didn't mean it. She would say that didn't either and she was sorry then he would kiss her softly and help her up and hold her in his arms, but the bedroom door didn't open and she remained a wreck on the floor. Plans formulated in her mind of how she would get him to come home and miss her like she missed him already but she knew they wouldn't work. She couldn't even find the strength to pray that he would come home, she knew that tone of voice and she knew that he wouldn't be home tonight and she would be left on her own with his name on her mind and her lips.

_And now I'll go sit on the floor _

_Wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is I don't know_

_How to be something you miss_

_I never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never thought imagined we'd end like this. _

_Your name forever the name on my lips. _

Brock leant his head next to hers and smelled her delicate perfume. It was one that he had brought her years ago and she had continued to use it. It complimented her well. He pulled her in closer to him and pressed her against him. She didn't even think about it being wrong. Perhaps they shouldn't be dancing this close, but it seemed so natural. They had become very close again over the last couple of months and in a strange way, had both accepted that nothing was going to happen between them ever again but their strong love was always present. It was just something they had become used to and it seemed to comfort them in a fashion. Brock broke the comfortable silence with a soft laugh. Reba looked up at him questioningly but smiled too when he asked her if she remembered the first party they went to together as a couple. She nodded and leant her head against his shoulder remembering.

She had spent hours picking the perfect thing to wear and doing her hair and make up just right. She had liked him for so long and they were officially dating. He had held her hand so tight as they walked into the room and people had wolf whistled at the gorgeous red head. She had noticed straight away how he had pulled her slightly closer to him, his head held higher then usual and she felt so good that he was proud to have her by his side. His mates had come over and started to talk to them and he didn't remove his arm from around her waist for the whole night but she didn't care. He joked they were all jealous of his gorgeous girlfriend and she had laughed shyly and rolled her eyes as he pulled her closer yet to his side and kissed her softly. He was way more popular then she was and had girls coming up to him all night, but he told each and every one of them that he was with Reba and he was sure her and Reba could be great friends. Reba didn't know half the girls and recognised the other half from the cheerleading team. She was practically glowing that she was the girl he wanted to be with and again, rolled her eyes when he declared that she would be the girl he spent the rest of his life with. She didn't like dancing back in those days, she didn't feel she had much rhythm, but she accepted a dance and had loved every minute of it as he twirled her around the small floor in and out of his arms. She would never forget the feeling of being spun around on that night.

_I do remember the swing in your step._

_The life of the party,_

_Your showing off again._

_And I roll my eyes and you pull me in,_

_I'm not much for dancing but for you I did._

'I remember' she whispered as she looked up at him and smiled. There were so many times with him that she was sure she would never forget, they were carved into her memory and that was how she wanted them to stay. She no longer wanted to forget all the times they shared, but instead wanted to treasure them and she knew that tonight would be a memory that was added to that collection of precious memories.

'You made me feel so special that night' she beamed. 'You have tonight as well, Brock. I want to thank you. You can turn a reasonably dull evening into a - ' her words were cut off by his lips landing softly on hers. It took her a second to realise what was happening but she felt like she was home. Her arms wrapped tighter around his neck and her lips pushed back, softly massaging his. This time, it didn't even run through her head that she wanted more or that this could wreck the steady relationship they had built. It felt so natural that they should be able to just engulf themselves in each other and forget the world for a few minutes. She remembered how he frequently used to cut her off mid-sentence with a kiss. She used to adore the sudden surges of affection and passion that would come with his spontaneous kisses. She always felt that it meant he desired her so much. She remembered they would often be walking down a street together, his hands buried deep in his pockets away from the cold and she'd be talking about something or other, and out of the blue he would lean over and plant a kiss on her lips. It would always take the breath clean from her, and this time was nothing different. All thoughts of what she was saying were taken away and replaced with the thought of his lips on hers. The passion and tenderness she felt for him was evident in the way they moved together, his hands running lightly down her thighs and make up again to land just below her hips. She slowly pulled away, her eyes remaining shut for a moment longer before she rested her head on his chest and continued to sway in time with the music.

_Because I love your handshake when your meeting my father_

_I love how you walk with your hands in you pockets._

_How I you kiss me when I'm in the middle of saying something._

_There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions,_

She didn't know how they could kiss so tenderly and yet, it didn't matter. She knew that after tonight, it would never be mentioned again and it wasn't a big deal. It was just so right. Maybe they were finally getting the closure that they needed on their relationship. After all, the first time Brock had just walked out and come back with a new wife and a new child and the second time they had said goodbye, well, it wasn't exactly the type of goodbye that would leave you with a sense of closure. Maybe this is what she had needed that day that he had walked out the door. Maybe this would finally allow her to stop loving him so much. She doubted she would ever truly stop loving him but maybe now she would be able to gently close the door that was between them and lock it. She never in a million years imagined that their relationship would have such a sense of easy finality. She never thought that they would have a last kiss but there they were with her head leant against his chest and his hands on the tops of her thighs drawing slow circles as they both swayed, deep in thought.

_And I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is I don't know how to be something you'll miss,_

_I never thought we'd have a last kiss._

_Never imagined we'd end like this. _

_Your name forever the name on my lips._

Brock felt the material of her dress under his fingers and couldn't bring himself to let her go. He knew that she would move on from him now. He felt it in her kiss that this was what she needed to let him go but he knew that he would never stop loving her and Barbra Jean could never compare to her. His feet moved of their own accord as he wondered how they ever ended up like this. He was slowly coming to accept the fact that all he would have left of a loving relationship with Reba would come from old photographs. He had already stared at them for hours on end. He remembered when he used to be able to watch her for hours whilst she slept. She was so beautiful when she slept. It was cliché, but she was like an angel with her eyes shut and her lips softly pressed together. It killed him to know that she would soon be moving on from him and find someone new. He knew that the day she brought someone home, he would feel his gut wrench deep inside. It would be the final step for their relationship to be fully over. He knew it was all his fault that they were no longer together, but he still wished he hadn't left her. Everything he had said to her all those months ago still stood true. He had sworn he would never love Barbra Jean like he loved her, and he knew he still never would. It was an impossible feat to ask of himself. But whatever happened, he hoped that Reba would be happy. Even if it meant that he himself would have to watch her fall in love with another man, he would want to see her smile. He would go to the ends of the earth to make her laugh and for her to be in a place in her life where she could finally say that yes, she loved life and she was happy.

_So I'll watch you live in pictures like I used to watch you sleep._

_And I'll feel you forget me like I used to feel you breath._

_And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are._

_Hope its nice where you are._

The song from the main hall finally came to a close and Reba pulled her head from his chest and looked him in the eyes. They stared for a few moments almost captivated by the other. Finally, Reba managed to pull back and look around her. The rain had stopped falling and people were starting to leave out the doors that Reba and Brock had walked through.

'I guess its time to rejoin reality' she said quietly. Brock gave a small half smile and nodded a little, finally taking his hands off her thighs. She instantly felt a cold chill against her skin where his hands had been and missed the contact. There seemed to be nothing else to say, to Reba took him into a brief hug and turned to walk away.

'Reba' the sound of her name made her turn back towards him with a questioning look upon her face. 'I just - I just want you to know, that whatever place you end up in your life, I hope your happy. I hope the sun shines and your content there. I hope that you meet someone one day who brings you everything you want and need and isn't an idiot and messes everything up like I did. Anyone would be lucky to have you and it would take a hell of a guy to deserve you. I sure didn't' he let out a short bitter laugh knowing that that was such an understatement. Reba deserved someone a thousand times better then him. She deserved someone who would be loyal to her and devoted. Reba just looked at him for a while allowing his words to soak in. She hadn't banked on that. But she knew he meant what he had said. She could think of nothing to say, so instead she did the only thing she could think of to show him that she thanked him for the years she had known him and his words. Thank him for being there for her and knowing when she was hurting. She delicately pressed her lips to his for the second time that evening. It was a fleeting kiss, but she knew he understood. She just hoped that one day, he would remember this moment and when he fell in love with Barbra Jean like he had with her - and she was sure he one day would - he would remember that he, once upon a time, swore he would love her forever and he had wished that he had stayed with her. She didn't want him to hurt, but she did want him to remember the relationship they had was more then the bad times they shared near the end of their marriage. So much more. They had, for a while, been perfect together. She just wanted him to remember that.

_And I hope the sun shines. _

_And it's a beautiful day._

_And something reminds you you wish you had stayed._

_You can plan for a change in the weather and time._

_But I never planned on you changing your mind._

For the millionth time that evening, she thought back to the day he had left. And she forgave him. She finally felt the tension that she hadn't even realised was the run free from her body leaving her calm and peaceful. She had never thought that there would be a last kiss between then, but she was glad that that last kiss had been one of love and affection. One that would be burnt into her memory and would never be forgotten. She never imagined that they would end up as just another divorced couple and when they had been divorced, she never _ever_ imagined that they would be able to be such close friends and yet, still be aware of the love for each other. She didn't know if that love would ever fade on his part, or even after so many years if it was even possible for it to, but she knew that she would always remember him as being her husband and most loving man she had ever met, rather then the man who had left her as a single mom. She had thought that she would never be able to do that, but she knew now she could.

She also knew that if anyone ever asked her who the man she loved was, it. would always and forever be his name that would be on her lips.

Just like their last kiss.

_So ill go sit on the floor wearing your clothes._

_All that I now is I don't know how to be something you miss._

_I never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end liken this_

_Your name forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last kiss. _

_Ever the name on my lips_

_Forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last kiss. _


End file.
